Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
