so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
