i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
