Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
