I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
