dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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