So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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