Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need a beard to bite.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
