it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
