Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
