Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Text me some of your sweat
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
