There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Your cock deserves a montage
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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