He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
