life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
