so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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