i would punch a child for taco bell
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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