i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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