I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
