Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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