I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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