I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
