She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
