I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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