I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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