Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
