If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
