Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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