i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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