3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
