Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
