I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
