After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
