u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
