im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
