She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
