You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
