Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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