i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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