I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
