how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
