The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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