just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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