help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
