so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
