he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
