thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
where are you?
Hypothermia
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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