apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
