There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
