I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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