Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
