'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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